Season XIV – Playoff Preview (Author: The Commish) - May 13, 2017
Take Olive It (Olive)
I’ve waited 2 years for this moment to make a good
ol’ Prince Albert joke and y’all had to ruin it by making me talk
about 2nd ever undefeated season blah blah blah. With Brice’s
achilles injury, it’ll be tough for Cammas to pierce his way to a 4th
Scarlett O'HeyBoys (Crimson)
I definitely preferred when all AJ was to me was
‘that weird looking guy over there with his shirt off”. My last act
as Commish? Declaring Treasurer Tom Loughran didn’t meet the 5 game
minimum game requirement this season. #FyreFestivalGoneWorse
Lime Lick Maneuver (Lime)
Sexual Harrassment Panda told me I’m not allowed to
talk about RJ so I’m just going to mention that a handful of their
players could actually be vampires. It’ll be interesting to see if
anyone is able to put a stake through this team’s heart this weekend.
Rose Before Hoes (Pink)
This might be the most boo’ed up team I’ve ever
played on which might explain the recent skid. Master Splinter Brett
Chambers has been giving us all the inspirational GIFs this week, so I
feel confident that I’ll be able to peace out this joint with my first
Lit AF (Charcoal)
Pretty sure this team watched Wrestlemania
together as a team-bonding event, they’re so bruh-tastic. It might
explain how Kory ended up in a headlock in handing Pink their first
Jew Kids on the Block (Royal)
This team was chomping at the bit to be the dark
horse (can I say that, Jamar?), but as much as this team has improved
over the course of the season, I think they will get bit by a tough
Lime matchup. Happy Mother’s Day Mrs. Hofberg!
Irish Creamers (Kelly)
I have to be careful about trashing this team too
much, since they are in my side of the bracket. So, I’ve asked my
fiancé to come watch our potential matchup and direct a wide-zoom lens
on CJ’s waist the entire game
Blac Chyna (Black)
The team that sleeps together wins together? Maybe
the DCGFFL next season will print names and numbers on all the jerseys
like Jordan did for his team. I’m sure Randy can come up with 260+
Ca$h me outSKY (Sky Blue)
This is my favorite team because of all the
reffing help they’ve given us this season. But after I retire, I’ll
just go back to hating each and every one of them all the same. What
a prick, that Andy Pratt
Dandy Lions (Yellow)
This team gave Crimson a little bit of a scare in
the first half with only 7 players last week. The whole league is
talking about Rachel’s double move on her TD Run-and-Catch. This team
is a wild-card come the playoffs (and also incredibly boring to make
Squirtle Squad (Cerulean)
Well at least JC got a cute stuffed animal out of it?
Hardwood Forest (Forest)
They would have won 5 games this season if they
let Marvin throw underhand every play.
No TEAl No Shade (Teal)
I can’t wait to see what Randy stitched up with all
of our extra cleat bags. DMitch is having a nice debut as a backup
QB, and lucky us! We will be hearing about it for the next 6 months.
Cockwerq Orange (Orange)
The board voted this week to buy Mabray’s one-way
ticket to Boston. You’re welcome, DCGFFL.
Kung Fuchsia (Fuchsia)
My dog just farted when I was trying to come up
with something to say about this team, and that just about says it
Pearce seems a bit over it. Funny, that’s how
we’ve all felt about him for 2 years.
You guys get an A for effort, although this won’t be
the first time Shealy will get called out for trying too hard.
White Russians (White)
So I bet Andy $50 halfway thru the season that they
wouldn’t win a single game and then they won 3. Including against
Pink (I wasn’t there)! WTF! Yeah maybe the commish shouldn’t be
betting real money on these types of things, but with Team Hangover
over here, I thought it was pretty safe.
Speaking of… How did they win a game? All of that
veteran talent, and they don’t even want to show up to play with QB
Jon. I was going to try to not call him out, but then I found out
he’s a Pens fan so – F* him.