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Gay Flag Football League
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Power Rankings

Season XIV – Week 7 (Author: All Tea All Shade) - May 3, 2017

  1. Take Olive It (Olive) (9 - 0):

    Is the pimento about to be pulled from Olive now that they’ve lost one of their stars? Seems like the rest of league won’t be green with envy much longer.

  2. Scarlett O'HeyBoys (Crimson) (7 - 1):

    How do they keep winning? Rumor has it they don’t have set plays. Rumor also has it Terri Yaki is no longer a blouse. Bom Dia!

  3. Lime Lick Maneuver (Lime) (7 - 2):

    Short QB. Short Captain. Short handed and came up short against Olive on Sunday. Please tell us at least one of them is hung. We know it’s not Garbage Human Trash Fire.

  4. Lit AF (Charcoal) (6 - 2):

    Charcoal continues their winning streak. What’s next for this All-Bro team? Bate buddies and on-field vaping? “Duuuuuude it’s not gay if we’re drunk.”

  5. Irish Creamers (Kelly) (7 - 2):

    This team will either implode or blow up…and OJ is da fuse. Tick tick boom baby!

  6. Blac Chyna (Black) (6 - 3):

    The last kween to squeal as much as captain Jordan Anderson was Sandra from 227. Oooooooh hey Maaaaary. Someone put a d$ck in that mouth stat!

  7. Jew Kids on the Block (Royal) (6 - 3):

    Since the whole league wants to sleep with them, we decided to play “Marry/Fuck/Kill” with their roster. Not surprisingly, the answer to all three is Scott Kelly.

  8. Ca$h me outSKY (Sky Blue) (6 - 3):

    MVP (Most Valuable Pratt) award once again goes to Linda. Center Miles is having a great season, breaking the record for most VPL selfies posted in a week! Can we get a VPL Sally Up Down video from ginger James this week?

  9. Dandy Lions (Yellow) (4 - 4):

    If their QB had Lions as linesmen they might be able to score more long balls. Will these tabby cats do more than purr in the playoffs? We think so, this is our sleeper final 4 pick.

  10. Squirtle Squad (Cerulean) (3 - 6):

    Captain Nix complains weekly, “I said go ahead, take a chance, draft the always-late 65 year old QB.”  Oh. OK. We see. You think these continual losses have nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select… we don’t know… that lumpy blue jersey for instance because you’re trying to tell the kaweens that you take yourself too seriously to care about always being on your back. But what you don’t know is that that jersey is not just blue, it’s not turquoise, it’s not lapis. It’s actually cerulean. And you’re also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2010, Enrique de la Perez did a collection of Venezuelan cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves Snight Laurent… wasn’t it, who showed cerulean military jerseys? I think we need a jockstrap here. And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of eight different seasons. And then it, uh, filtered down through the straight leagues and then trickled on down into some tragic Universal Gear boutique where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that jersey represents millions of tricks and countless loads and it’s sort of comical how you think that you’ve made a choice that exempts you from the responsibility of your failing season when, in fact, you’re wearing the jersey that was selected for you by the people writing these Power Rankings. That’s all.

  11. Cockwerq Orange (Orange) (3 -6):

    We used to like orange. Then Donald Trump and Patrick Mabray ruined it. If they scored as often as Kevin C. sends Facebook notifications they might be undefeated. #unsubscribe At least they got Seaton. Hey Boo!

  12. White Russians (White) (2 - 6):

    QB Jack Blaney’s bait bus sabbatical has done this team goooooood! Can El Jefe afford to keep him blindfolded and happy? With the Venezuelan bolivar at an all time low, our sources say not likely.

  13. No TEAl No Shade (Teal) (2 - 6):

    Captain Snight: Your weekly costumes have us gagging on your eleganza, but your Swan Lake performance on the field left us with feathers in our mouths. I’m sorry my dear, but  your team is up for elimination. Now pas de bourree, away!

  14. Hardwood Forest (Forest) (2 - 6):

    Lesquirt James’ TRANSition to cone is going well! But their consistency….not wonderful yet. Will rookie Kevin Hamilton eventually score a touchdown with Uncle Bobby? Woof.

  15. (100- 0):

    Rec League Green – Mad props to this team that has won more games than almost half the regular league.

  16. Kung Fuchsia (Fuchsia) (2 - 7):

    Nessa guuuuuurrrrl! Fuschia’s hair is laidT down to the mother goose nursery rhyme giving you two goose egg realness. Forfeit both double headers? The only labels for this designer team are located at the outlet mall.

  17. Vio-LIT (Violet) (2 - 7):

    Has anyone seen Pearce? Bueller? Bueller? Note- We’ve never seen Lena Dunham and Matt Pearce in the same room. #justsayin

  18. SUB-Marines (Navy) (1 - 7):

    This team needs to take some advice from Ryan Shealy and #beitsownsuperhero or it’s one and done come playoffs. If this team focused less on gym selfies and more on route running then they might move up in the power rankings.

  19. bREDskins (Red) (1 - 8):

    Not a bad record considering they spend Saturday nights on the circuit. This team of power bottoms finds themselves near the bottom of the rankings again.

  20. Rose Before Hoes (Pink) 7 - 2:

    After Sunday’s performance against White, these Game of Hoes felt nothing but shame, shame shame. However, like Cersi’s fall and rise, they fidna blow shit up in the end. Captain Abacus PrEP Chambers exclaims, “Where are my faggons?!”