The Kozak-less Power Rankings Season XVIII Barely Legal 4/26 (Evan Binder Edition) - May 3, 2019
Pulp Friction (Orange) :
Fresh off calling a gay bowl championship defense, QB Brandon Waggoner has gone eight weeks without throwing a single INT, which is an entirely unconfirmed DCGFFL first. The clear league MVP favorite with one week left.
Gettin' Piggy With It (Pink) :
There are three certainties in life: Death, taxes, and Alonzo and Sanders leading a team to the top of the league. I’m not sure which of these three certainties I’m most bothered by.
Disrespectful Wit It (Gold) :
You know how they say that third time’s the charm? Well, after missing out on an undefeated season for a third time, don’t tell that to A.J. and Antwon. #there’salwaysnextseason
PurPaul's Drag Race (Purple) :
You can take all the Claritin, Zyrtec, and Flonase you want, Purple. That still isn’t solving your severe allergy to extra points.
Grab My Graphite (Graphite) :
Lost in the fray of Brandon’s historic season, fellow AARPer Jim Connolly has quietly had a big- time resurgence. Who knew throwing off your back foot and across your body would ever come back in style?
Not Today Satan (Red) :
Birthday boy Bradley Williams set another entirely unconfirmed DCGFFL record with six sacks in a game. I can’t decide what he is better at: ruining maroon QB Pat Shilo’s entire Sunday, or wearing the hell out of a romper.
A Team Has No Name (Forest Green) :
Forest is a lot like newly-minted presidential candidate Eric Swalwell.
First thought: Oh, he’s cute!
Navy Gravy (Navy) :
With three straight wins, Navy is that nerdy high school ugly duckling who comes back to reunion looking fine as hell.
Sexual Tealing (Teal) :
Limey Wankers (Lime) :
ClapBlacks (Black) :
“It’s Sunday morning. Where is Ken Green?”
“He must be out of town this weekend. No worries.”
*checks Scruff. Ken Green is two miles away and online*
Rust and Bust (Maroon) :
Maroon before and after the game:
LTBA (Baby Blue) :
Remember Ned Stark? Remember when he had relevance and wasn’t dead and out of your mind? After winning their first two games, followed by six losses, Baby blue is this season’s Ned Stark.
Wicked Bitches of the West (Kelly) :
This team has done enough losing that for Randy’s sake, I’ll pretend to love the irish jigs and Phantom of the Opera that he mercilessly blares across all of Carter Barron. Please Randy! More! More!