Season XIV – Week 2 (Author: Randy Snight) - March 15, 2017
Rose Before Hoes (Pink) (2 - 0):
The Hoes rose to the occasion in the Valentine’s Bowl grabbing five ints against Red.
Scarlett O'HeyBoys (Crimson) (2 - 0):
Take Olive It (Olive) (2 - 0):
Strong solid furniture and a wide stance helped Bill Cammas give Olive It to the Navy.
Lit AF (Charcoal) (2 - 0):
Charcoal continues to burn through the competition. They’re getting so WOKE. #TheWokening
Ca$h me outSKY (Sky Blue) (2 - 1):
I had to go watch Dr. Phil to understand your team name…no power ranking for you.
Squirtle Squad (Cerulean) (2 - 1):
What a day in the produce department, squirting all over the oranges but pumping blanks on the limes. Fun fact: Never google, “Squirting on Oranges”
Lime Lick Maneuver (Lime) (2 - 1):
Lime used Lick. Squirtle Squad used, “Win Football Game,” but it wasn’t very effective. Squirtle fainted…
Blac Chyna (Black) (2 - 1):
The “something Jewish team name pending” was like a bull in a Chyna shop, destroying Black’s dream of an undefeated season.
Irish Creamers (Kelly) (2 - 1):
Kelly went two for two in the lead up to St. Patrick’s Day. Will the luck of the Irish continue through the season?
Dandy Lions (Yellow) (1 - 1):
No cowards on this team when John Clemons (GoldLovesGold) is bringing home the victory.
Jew Kids on the Block (Royal) (1 - 1):
Well look who finally settled on a team name, and then decided to learn how to win too. That’s a mitzvah!
SUB-Marines (Navy) (1 - 1):
Already terrified of their upcoming Teal rematch, the Navy team decided to stop trying for an undefeated season. #SubsForSame
Kung Fuchsia (Fuchsia) (1 - 1):
My football knowledge is based only on the occasional Disney sport movie and whatever happened around Beyonce’s concert a few years ago, but I’ve heard scoring points is super important. Not a sermon, just a thought.
Cockwerq Orange (Orange) (1 - 2):
Orange werked their cocks all over the woods but drowned in the sea. #Shame
bREDskins (Red) (0 - 2):
Captain Matt Gillette still hasn’t gotten to perform his “we won” dance. Keep bringing the glitter pumps and boombox to the fields, you’ll use them eventually honey.
No TEAl No Shade (Teal) (0 - 2):
It’s been all teal and all shade through these rankings. #YoureWelcome. We will start winning when we’re good and ready, don’t rush us.
White Russians (White) (0 - 2):
Winter was coming, then came, then left, then came back with a vengeance. Climate change is a myth. The Russians were too busy losing again to notice.
Vio-LIT (Violet) (0 - 3):
The dandies rained all over the flames of Vio-LIT in a spectacular golden shower. Hashtag Piss Play, Hashtag Water Sports.
Hardwood Forest (Forest) (0 - 3):
Forest is having a great season. Everything’s fine. Stop asking so many questions. #AlternativeFacts