Season XIV – Week 2 (Author: Randy Snight) - March 15, 2017
S14 -- Pink ('Rose Before Hoes') (2 - 0):
The Hoes rose to the occasion in the Valentine’s Bowl grabbing five ints against Red.
S14 -- Crimson ('Scarlett O'HeyBoys') (2 - 0):
S14 -- Olive ('Take Olive It') (2 - 0):
Strong solid furniture and a wide stance helped Bill Cammas give Olive It to the Navy.
S14 -- Charcoal ('Lit AF') (2 - 0):
Charcoal continues to burn through the competition. They’re getting so WOKE. #TheWokening
S14 -- Sky Blue ('Ca$h me outSKY') (2 - 1):
I had to go watch Dr. Phil to understand your team name…no power ranking for you.
S14 -- Cerulean ('Squirtle Squad') (2 - 1):
What a day in the produce department, squirting all over the oranges but pumping blanks on the limes. Fun fact: Never google, “Squirting on Oranges”
S14 -- Lime ('Lime Lick Maneuver') (2 - 1):
Lime used Lick. Squirtle Squad used, “Win Football Game,” but it wasn’t very effective. Squirtle fainted…
S14 -- Black ('Blac Chyna') (2 - 1):
The “something Jewish team name pending” was like a bull in a Chyna shop, destroying Black’s dream of an undefeated season.
S14 -- Kelly Green ('Irish Creamers') (2 - 1):
Kelly went two for two in the lead up to St. Patrick’s Day. Will the luck of the Irish continue through the season?
S14 -- Yellow ('Dandy Lions') (1 - 1):
No cowards on this team when John Clemons (GoldLovesGold) is bringing home the victory.
S14 -- Royal Blue ('Jew Kids on the Block') (1 - 1):
Well look who finally settled on a team name, and then decided to learn how to win too. That’s a mitzvah!
S14 -- Navy ('SUB-Marines') (1 - 1):
Already terrified of their upcoming Teal rematch, the Navy team decided to stop trying for an undefeated season. #SubsForSame
S14 -- Fuchsia ('Kung Fuchsia') (1 - 1):
My football knowledge is based only on the occasional Disney sport movie and whatever happened around Beyonce’s concert a few years ago, but I’ve heard scoring points is super important. Not a sermon, just a thought.
S14 -- Orange ('Cockwerq Orange') (1 - 2):
Orange werked their cocks all over the woods but drowned in the sea. #Shame
S14 -- Red ('bREDskins') (0 - 2):
Captain Matt Gillette still hasn’t gotten to perform his “we won” dance. Keep bringing the glitter pumps and boombox to the fields, you’ll use them eventually honey.
S14 -- Teal ('No TEAl No Shade') (0 - 2):
It’s been all teal and all shade through these rankings. #YoureWelcome. We will start winning when we’re good and ready, don’t rush us.
S14 -- White ('White Russians') (0 - 2):
Winter was coming, then came, then left, then came back with a vengeance. Climate change is a myth. The Russians were too busy losing again to notice.
S14 -- Violet ('Vio-LIT') (0 - 3):
The dandies rained all over the flames of Vio-LIT in a spectacular golden shower. Hashtag Piss Play, Hashtag Water Sports.
S14 -- Forest ('Hardwood Forest') (0 - 3):
Forest is having a great season. Everything’s fine. Stop asking so many questions. #AlternativeFacts