Season XV – Week 4 (Author: Amanda Livingstone – All Hail the V) - October 3, 2017
S15 -- Power Yellow ('Bananagrabbers') 5 - 0:
The powerhouse Santos Siblings Butch Mecha and Ms. Santos grabbed 3 TDs, an INT and a sack between them, getting their 5th straight win and top position in this week’s power rankings.
S15 -- Black ('Jordashians') 4 - 0:
Team Mom-ager Jordan clad her star squad in Supreme sweatshirts, but after a spiked ball post-INT, they looked as extra as a dual pregnancy announcement.
S15 -- Orange ('Jacked O Lanterns') 4 - 1:
Team Bro looked jacked as the Bro-fecta outscored the Everqueens to a 31-18 win.
S15 -- Safety Orange ('Whorange') 4 - 1:
After an intense triple OT, these whoreanges (+ human garbage) squeaked out a win against the AC Slaters…all while showing Nikki just how much they didn’t want to let go…of her jersey…
S15 -- Forest ('Katniss Everqueens') 3 - 1:
The Katniss Everqueens aimed for a W against Capital Bro but missed their mark. But Katniss, no matter who tackles her, is a fighter and is still going to crush at Gay Bowl. And by Katniss I mean Lindsey.
S15 -- Baby Blue ('Look What Your Baby Blue') 3 - 1:
The Baby Blues got harder in the nick of time and blocker extraordinaire Jayme had her list of names and Gold was in red, underlined…..insert other T Swift lyrics here… this song annoys me…but Baby Blue does not.
S15 -- Sand ('SandJobs') 3 - 1:
These Sandsnakes got the job done against the Pussy Whips – but how handy will QB Hofberg and all-around DCGFFL ally Greg Carter be in a double header the Sunday after Gay Bowl?
S15 -- Graphite ('Diamonds in the Scruff') 3 - 2:
Supplemental pick Taylor had a strong showing with a sack in her first game – could she be the diamond these scruffs have been looking for?
S15 -- Kelly Green ('Get In My Kelly') 3 - 2:
Last week on the field they looked like their namesake Fat Bastard, but this week they looked more like that sexy bastard Jon Snow. Will they rule the seven kingdoms of the DCGFFL or just end up sleeping with Scott Kelly’s aunt?
S15 -- Power Blue ('Power Blue Pussy Whips') 2 - 2:
The most vajazzled team in the league made a strong showing with Kristin at QB, a TD by Rachel and INT by Bobby. Keep whipping these boys into shape and prosper, Queens!
S15 -- White ('Milk Me') 2 - 2:
And with that, we enter the bottom portion of the power rankings, which is fitting for this team led by absent bottom, AJ. I was going to make a Tom Loughran’s Petty and the Heartbreakers joke but now this is untimely and everything is terrible and RIP Tom Petty but since I’m on White – go team.
S15 -- Purple ('Plums Of Steel') 2 - 2:
Blessed be the Plums of Steel, where Coach G shared the benefits of working out at SWEAT (he does it #forthedick) and Sam Brown scored a TD (YAS, SAM!).
S15 -- Royal Blue ('Queens of WesterHOES') 2 - 3:
The Queens of WesterHOES had a walk of atonement on Sunday after getting shamed by the Jordashians.
S15 -- Slate ('AC Slaters') 1 - 3:
Nikki K. took on the AC Slater name and showed her skills as the smoking hot jock on the football field, but after a loss in triple overtime, their winning streak came to a SCREECHing halt (do you see what I did there…?).
S15 -- Red ('Red THOT Chili Peppers') 1 - 3:
This week the Chili Peppers were red hot, clinching their first win against White. I can only blame myself for getting lost in Andy’s eyes…
S15 -- Gold ('GoldiCocks') 1 - 4:
First-seasoner Stephanie balled her way to Gold’s MVP – but the Cocks came up short in this week’s game against the Baby Blues, who played it just right.
(^^^Only SFW option when googling “GoldiCocks”… which I don’t recommend doing at work…)
S15 -- Teal ('Buns of Teal') 1 - 4:
Michelle Ta-a blocked the Bananagrabbers’ rushers like Regina George blocked Cady’s chances at getting with Aaron Samuels at his Halloween party. #HappyMeanGirlsDay
S15 -- Navy ('Euron Gayjoys') 1 - 4:
The Gayjoys might want to consider a name change to Reek…
S15 -- Pink ('Pink FlamingHos') 0 - 4:
With Linda Pratchett away on Friday’s game, Ronnie held it down for the ladies – and even with Roy stepping up to QB, these Hoes couldn’t seal the deal.
S15 -- Neon Green ('Green Eggs & D') 0 - 5:
Do you like, green eggs & D?
Do you think they’ll go, on a winning spree?
I do not think that they will be,
Going anywhere but on their knees
PS Love you Alex & Neon Green team!!
Good luck to the Generals, Admirals, Commanders, Senators and Delta Force at Gay Bowl!