Season 13 – Week 2 (September 18, 2016)
September 18, 2016
Royal YAAAAAAAS, FKA Les Dauphins, FKA I hate you, changes their name along with AJ Reusts mood swings. I know where you can get some Lithium if y’all need it. This game would have been considered intense had it not been for the game that must not be named. The first half Royal backed that YAS up into a tie with the Eggplant Emoji’s. On offense the Marks, J & H, both had a touchdown for Purple along with a try ran in by QB1 Dave S. DeWayne A. and Sam B. had the sixers for Royal and with a try ran in by QB2 AJ. Defensively, Braden B. had two sacks for Purple, and Levert added an int for his YAS of the half. The second half was just as close with a game tying drive by Purple stopped by Dewayne A. with a game sealing interception tapping both feet somewhere on the field. Purple showed their finest with an added sack from Braden and int from Chris H., but Royals came up with three big defensive stops in the end: A fourth down stop and two ints by Dewayne A. Eggplant Emojis left the field with the Lorde’s voice echoing in their heads, “You’ll never be Royals”.
The DCGFFL is all about Sportsmanship! “Get off the bench and get into the game” is our league motto. While we might not have any Sportsmanship Award nominees in the running after this game, there’s always next week. If all else fails we’ll just give it to Bryan Sanders again. Because that makes just as much sense as last year. Maroon lost despite great offensive efforts from Austin and Smiffy. Charcoal won thanks to the receiving efforts of Morse and qb play of Adam Robbins. Congrats Charcoal!
The athletic heroics of Jordan Anderson weren’t enough to plague the Ash team and a superb game from Kyle Mckinney, Scott G., James R. and Seaton. Jordan had 24 points out of 26 on the day for Black, but the combined efforts of Ash shoved it in the mouths of the plague by putting up 39 points. Brian Hotchkiss turned out to be the Plague Black has warned us about.
Yo (t)HOTS, delete Grindr from y’alls phones and start paying attention to the game. Vegas had six and won with their back up QB. The first half was a boring affair with an int from Andy and a sack by Derrick from Red. Vegas managed a lone TD and an int by Dameron. The second half Vegas went all in on offense AND defense notching three ints: Matt(2) & another for Dameron, as well as three touchdowns to Markco (2) and Dameron. Red’s Miles managed a score before Dameron walked off the field yelling and wagging his finger, “BITCH I TOLD Y’ALL NOT TO COME FOR US, I TOLD Y’ALL. THAT WAS WITH SIX Y’ALL. WE ONLY HAD SIX Y’ALL”.
The most racially tone deaf team name lost again on Sunday. We Love You Long Lime missed the mark on Asian American sensitivity as well as in the win column. The first half was separated by one extra point with Lime and Safety Orange trading two touchdowns a piece, Tim A. and Captain Barry M. for Safety and Nick B. and Josh R. for Lime. Paddy Mac logged the 2 point conversion for Safety while Lime only managed a one pointer from QB Marvin. The second half fell in the Blumpkin’s favor seeing two scores to Lime’s one. Josh R came up big for all 7 points for lime, but Barry M and Tony S. logged two scores for the Blumpkins and Max R. sealed the deal with an extra point return for 2.
Lime won this game by a sizeable margin. It looks like CharredHoles lit themselves on fire in the second half and let Marvin W. completely take this game over. People totally did things on both sides of the ball including QB Marvin Washington on Lime and Cam B. on Charcoal but this maze of a score card leads me to believe the referees were so bored by this trouncing they decided to give up around 8 minutes into the first half.
Royal and Maroon were able to keep their composure and play a full game with no incident. Dewayne ruled the stats sheet for Royal with four touchdowns. Maroon had no answer to him. Dewayne’s points alone weren’t enough to seal the victory as Maroon had 27 points of their own, but Smiffy, Austin, Ken & Brandon couldnt uncut their way past the scoring line on Royal with Mike Z, AJ and others combing to add an additional 11. Yas Qweens ya’ll kept Maroon defeated on your way to having the most wins in the league.
WOOOOeeeEE! Both of these teams could score at will. Blumpkins got off their porcelain throne for just long enough to be out shot by Gold 41-37. Gold’s QB Sheerod spread the ball around hitting six team mates for scores and tries. The Blumpkins shared the wealth themselves having four teammates log touchdowns. In the end Sheerod had the hottest hand and the game of no defense came to a halt.
Close but no cigar Red. Peach Perfect was Peach Adequate in their first win.
Sexual chocolate took advantage of the sasters of Alpha White in the first half Or should I say Kostyk took advantage of their team: he had an int, a td, and a one point try. Larry W. returned the favor in the second scoring two tds with a murtaugh try after an Earl A. interception, but Brown spread their sexual healing across the field with scores and tries from Sean K., Alex H. and two sacks from Matt N.
Gay Super Bowl Participant QB Adam Martin decided to show up again this week. NINE kelly players showed up on the scorecard this week proving that perhaps Adam Martin knows how to find an open man. Just click on their team page thats who scored 5 tds and had sacks. Pacific Blue only score twice, once in each half. It was adorable.
Forest forgot to cheat. They also forgot to win. Bryan Sanders you listened to my advice last week and you didnt show up to this game! To their credit The Cream Pies stuck this one out to the end. Nothing on the scorecard int the first half and an explosion of points in the second converting three touchdowns and all three conversions. Forest could only manage one td each half, one to Captain Joe H. the other to some straight person I don’t remember because they have such a forgettable face, body and personality. They also converted their tries but it wasn’t quite enough to stop the spector of Andy Allen (who was on the winning side despite not appearing on the scorecard once) from edging them out. 21-14 win for Neon Yellow! Congrats Long & JJ, enjoy this last win of the season until you play Red in a play in game.
Another game another routing for the Sky Curious Baby Blue Team. Strokes of Midnight only managed one score off a missed flag pull at the end of the first half. Midnight drove the field but nearly always ended their drive with a Clevenger interception or pass break up to turn over on downs. Jack B, grindred down the field, scruffed up touchdown after touchdown and gay tindered the ball into the hands of his receivers. Jason, Aras, William & Tom all logged sacks against a floundering offense that left the second consecutive mercy rule for Baby Blue at 34-6.
EESH. Power Blue had a garbage touchdown in the second half, otherwise it was all Fuschia and Jim C. Sean B had a wonderful game for an old lady locking down 13 points and an interception. Captain Adam S., Michelle, Scott and Jim did everything else. Damn this game was boring.