Power Rankings

Purple Heather started the season cheating death by taking down the Grim ReapHers and landed exactly where their name (and our preseason rankings) suggested they belong: on top.

With their QB1 out, we didn’t quite know what to expect, but Purple turned to one of the league’s most dangerous receivers, Lisa Z., to step in at QB. She dusted Black’s defense whenever the run opened up. In between runs, she also made ReapHers rushers Ash H. and Britt C. regret their life choices, while rushers from other teams looked on with sympathy and absolutely zero desire to trade places.

When it came time to put points on the board, Purple found ways to move the ball downfield (save for one interception), and Nour finished the job with two TDs that sealed the win.

Next up: Purple takes on Tropic Blue, and we suspect they’ll need to find the end zone a few more times if they hope to hold onto the top spot.

If seeing Scarlet this high in the rankings surprises you, you’re not alone — it surprised us too. But Scarlet spent most of the morning making life uncomfortable for Orange. Whether it was their offense, their defense, or just the sense that something stressful was about to happen, they kept Orange on high alert and in the end walked away with the win. That said, the name Red Flags still feels extremely appropriate.

Red also looked far steadier throughout the game than their name might suggest—which is no doubt a credit to captain Cee’s leadership, as she seemed determined to prove that chaos can, in fact, be organized when the right people are in charge. That steadiness also showed up in QB Kat R., who spent the morning dropping the kind of dimes that make receivers look great and leaves defenses scrambling. And while her quarterbacking was sharp, her very bold red, white, and blue sideline reffing attire was certainly the team’s biggest red flag of the day. (Come on, Kat — don’t you know there’s only room for one QB with questionable fashion choices in this league?)

As good as the offense looked, the defense looked even better—but that’s not exactly surprising when you’ve got reliable targets like Cee and Chelsea T. roaming the field on both sides and serving as a firm reminder to Orange that it simply wasn’t going to be their day.

It wasn’t the calmest win, but the Red Flags proved they can survive a little chaos — which may come in handy this Sunday when they face Black. And if the name is any indication…Black really can’t say they weren’t warned. 🚩😌

The Gold Stars delivered the gold-standard stress test of the week, banging out a 20-19 win over the Super Soakers in the only game of the day unfortunate enough to go into overtime—and become the lone thing standing in between a bunch of cold gays on the sideline and Sunday Funday.

While the Super Soakers tried to go high, the Gold Stars went Lowe. Gold’s MVP accounted for 14 of the team’s 20 points with two touchdowns and a try. And not just ANY try — THE two-point kind of try. The kind that ends games and ruins hopes and dreams. And it didn’t stop there…the rookies were also tearing it up. ROTW Alaya W. turned in a crazy two-way performance that made it clear she did not come here to ease into things, she came to fully pop off.

By the final possession of overtime and with the ball in QB Metz’s hands, everyone knew exactly where the ball was going—the defense knew, the sideline knew, the fans knew—and yet…the Super Soakers still let the Gold Stars finish on top. 😉

Next up: Green Line Fire. A leprechaun’s dream matchup. 🍀🌟We’re about to find out if the Gold Stars are actually worth their weight in Gold. Fingers crossed…or however they like it.

Two evenly matched teams trading stops, ironing out the usual Week One wrinkles, and generally giving the sidelines plenty of background entertainment.

It was the lowest scoring game of the day, which had more to do with the start of the season growing pains and how evenly matched both teams were than anything else, but in the end Green’s offense was able to score when it mattered most.

Green’s defense also made sure Smoke never got too comfortable. Lexie was everywhere, somehow playing about six inches taller than physics would suggest is possible, perfectly timing jumps to swat passes and shut down receivers. And when it mattered most, Shayne stepped in to snuff things out by shutting down the two-point attempt that would have handed Smoke the win.

In the end, Green’s halftime cheer, “Step back, the door is closing,” turned out to be more than just a catchy line. It was also a warning — because by the final whistle, those doors had closed firmly on Smoke’s hopes of taking the W. Let that be a warning to their next opponents—the Gold Stars.

The Super Soakers found themselves in the most dramatic game of Week 1, falling to the Gold Stars in a shootout that had both sidelines stressed. Tropic Blue’s players found themselves playing double duty, yet kept pace with the Gold Stars the entire game, refusing to let them pull ahead.

QB Ash Y. continued doing what she does best — keeping the offense moving and finding her receivers downfield while staying cool under pressure and the defense kept it easy and Bre-ezy, with the Bre’s snagging picks at both ends of the height spectrum.

By the time overtime rolled around, the Soakers had done everything right but win the coin toss — and that was the start to how a one-point game turned into a one-point loss… (apparently the football gods are not big fans of hydration).

The upside is obvious: if you can hang in a shootout like that, the wins are probably coming. The downside is that moral victories still count exactly zero times in the standings. Still, if the Super Soakers keep bringing that kind of pressure, future opponents might need to bring a towel.

Next up: Purple Reign. Will the Soakers make it rain… or will the crown stay put? 💧👑

We’re not saying Sophie (aka Call Her Daddy Yang), Lauran G., and Aubrie spent most of the game carrying this team on their backs… but if you checked the stat sheet (or saw the game with your own eyes), you might reach that conclusion yourself. Sophie and Aubrie had magic hands all afternoon, pulling in just about everything thrown their way, while Lauran once again reminded everyone why she’s such a problem on defense (**checks notes** and on offense…)—shifty enough to dodge flag pulls, fast enough to close space, and smart enough to capitalize on mistakes from the opposition.

Much of the game felt like the opposite of a thriller, with two evenly matched teams going blow for blow and ironing out the usual week one wrinkles. But the final minutes suddenly had the sidelines locked in when Smoke’s QB Nik ran in a TD with just seconds left on the clock and went for two to win it all. Unfortunately for them, Green’s Shayne did what she does best and shut that down, bringing the Smoke Shows’ final act of the day to a close.

Up Next: Another close matchup when they face off against Texas Orange.

Orange Is the New Sack may have taken the L, but they delivered the most main-character performance of the week— especially with POTW Meg B. waking up that morning and choosing violence…in the form of stats.

Meg made life very easy for rookie QB Courtney M., quickly becoming her favorite target and the Red defense’s least favorite assignment. And if there was ever any question about just how good a game she was having, consider this your answer: all 13 of Orange’s points were scored by Meg. And when she wasn’t scoring for the offense, she was stealing the ball back on defense. So the only real question that remains is whether she plans to give the rest of her team — and quite literally the rest of the league — a chance to catch up. Seriously… it’s only Week One, Meg. 😩

If the rest of the team joins the party, Orange could start flipping these close games into wins very quickly.

Next up: Grey — a matchup between two rookie QBs eager to show the league what they’re capable of, in what we suspect could be the match of the week.

Oh how the mighty have fallen. The ReapHers looked like a team still early in its learning curve, and what started off as the highly anticipated “Game of the Week” ultimately left little to be desired in both on-field exciting moments and points scored.

The team’s rumored lucky charm, Cash, delivered a pick just minutes into the game, giving Black an early spark. But after that, even with Court’s steady hand, the magic faded quickly. There’s plenty of energy and eagerness on both sides of the ball, but unless Black finds its defensive footing, the only thing the Grim ReapHers will be reaping this season are more Ls and a spot in the bottom half of the rankings.

Luckily, their hopes for the season aren’t dead yet as there’s still plenty of time for the ReapHers to find their footing—starting with their next matchup against the Red Flags, who are coming in hot after last week’s win over Texas Orange.