Power Rankings

Newsflash: QB1 JC showed up 5 minutes before the game began once again, shocking truly. We the committee reached out to his team for comment, their response: 🙄

Despite the tardiness, Haus of Martini picks up another win behind TDs from Rookie Andrew M., and veteran players Jamal, Shaq, Kenny, and JC. Shoutout to Carnell for another sack, are we approaching triple digits on that yet?​​

This team sure knows how to win, but show up on time? Certainly not. Will this team keep building the foundation and stacking up wins, or will the Haus come crumbling down after the BYE week hangover?

Easter Candy: Reese’s Peanut Butter Eggs

They’re good, great even… But we already knew that.

*checks glasses* 54 points? Can that be right? It is. Teal Team Dix showed up and showed out after starstudded performances from Jay (3 TDs), Dan (2 TDs), and Cash (2 TDs). That’s a lot of TDs thrown by Ben. Oh did I mention the multi-INT game from Cash, and the multi-sack game from Drew? Wow I’m tired of typing all these stats, do something dramatic or scandalous next week instead of scoring so much, I’m bored.

All jokes aside, this team is up and running after a total offensive domination in Week 5. Seafoam has officially shot up the rankings this week. Will they continue dixxing down the competition, or will they go soft when we return?

Easter Candy: Cadbury Creme Eggs

They’re smooth, fun, and we can anticipate them in the final four basket.

Plain White Tease picks up a big win over the last remaining undefeated team to move themselves up a spot in the rankings! TDs from Quinn, Andy, and Brendan (shoutout Oriya on these TD throws, you will not be overlooked) led to the ‘upset’!

If this team can keep all their fingers intact, *cough Oriya and Derrick* they have a real shot at the final four this season. Which is about how many fingers they have left on each hand.

Was this game a Plain White stripTease for a positive rest of the season, or was it just all for show?

Easter Candy: Kinder Surprise Eggs

The name speaks for itself, this team is surprisingly good.

After last week’s shootout win, Pyrite’s Booty picked up a blowout win instead, moving them up 2 spots in the rankings! Despite injuries to captain Connor and Noah (sorry mawma), Bryan pulled in 3 TDs, Shray grabbed one, and Nolan added another to boost them to a 26 point victory over Atomic.

But the canary isn’t singing in the pyrite mine, the Gold safeties got cooked a few times, and veteran backup QB Bryan got sacked by a rookie twice (though he could be seen throwing Atomic players to the ground in a fit of rage afterward) – but in the end it doesn’t matter – if you can’t be stopped on offense, you cannot lose.

Will Pyrite’s Booty keep it shakin’ in the 2nd half of the season, or will they come back flat?

Easter Candy: Limited Edition Lemon Crisp KitKats

A veteran QB, Matt (KitKat) Cline, plus some zesty new players (lemon). It works!

After suffering their first loss of the season, Chartreusive Thots drops a few spots down in the rankings to round out the top 5. I wouldn’t have moved y’all down so far, but all the 3-1 teams going into this week picked up some good wins, so here is where you stand for now!

Despite Cam “not being able to throw a football in the first half” (direct quote), there were plenty of positives to take away, TDs from Tyler and Twon! Okay maybe only 2 positives.

Hopefully this team will get back on track now that basketball is over, did y’all have a little too much fun at the closing party? Because it showed.

Will the Chartreusive Thots start winning again, or have the intrusive thoughts taken over? That was a stretch, I tried.

Easter Candy: Lindt Gold Bunnies

The team with the highest point differential and a solid interior defense. You get gold!

Another week, another victory for the Deep Wood Daddies – but boy do they know how to keep the games close. This was their largest margin of victory this season, at a whopping 6 points, but as the cool kids say, a win is a win (x4)!

Behind TDs from Luis, Gerel, and Marc (x2), they enter the BYE week with a 4-1 record! Luis punished the Blue Wake team’s lack of coverage in the middle of the field with countless cone/center leaks and pounded their way down the field time and time again. A winning strategy you have to respect!

Will these Daddies continue to dig deep and pull out more wins in the 2nd half of the season, or will the Forest start falling down (I’m yelling timberrrr)?

Easter Candy: Skittles Jelly Beans

Skittles are always good, and always around. This team sure knows how to let other teams stick around in games, but they still come out on top!

This will be a week the Vintage Gray team will certainly want to pray away - they took a beating from Seafoam, losing by a whopping 36 points. Despite the lack of defensive stats (literally none to be seen at all), they still scored 3 TDs from AJ, Jordan, and TJ, so not all hope is lost on the offensive front!

After this week, they’ve now been on the giving and receiving end of blowouts this season. While we love versatility, hopefully they find a way to get back to their winning ways after the BYE.

Will Vintage turn back the clock and shine like new in 2 weeks, or will they suffer another case of the Sunday scaries? Time will tell.

Easter Candy: Sour Patch Kids Bunnies

Sometimes they’re sweet, sometimes they’re sour. But they’re good…I think!

Week 4 - offensive clinic. Week 5 - offensive clinic. Is this a trend starting here? Because if it is, this team is headed in the right direction. Two big wins in a row!

TDs from Nick, Benny, Aaron, and supplemental draft pick James led Peen-Oh Noir to a big victory over Purple. If this team continues to age like fine wine, much like its venerable leadership, any opponent in their path could be in a world of trouble. The sleeper potential for a final four run is very much there.

Will these Peens keep ween-ing, or will things turn Noir when we return?

Easter Candy: Cadbury Mini Eggs

The Maroon Mini Eggs, they’re starting to put things together - they’ll be a full egg soon enough.

After the supplemental draft, the so-called ‘Team Who Shall Not Be Named’ has really picked up steam, grabbing their first 2 wins of the season, both in double-digit fashion.

TDs to Chad, Tommy (x2), Kevin, and Luke helped propel this team past an injury-ridden Cobalt team, and one step closer to a .500 record.

Much like the Maroon team above, these Kelly Green Queens are starting to get hot at the right time. But can they keep the Train on the tracks?

Will Kelly Green keep the winning streak going and reach the pot of gold at the end, or will their luck run out?

Easter Candy: Russell Stover Coconut Nests

Underrated candy for an underrated team.

A week 5 one point win for Lox and Loaded over *checks notes* 0-5 Light Blue… Clearly the offense wanted to win, but was the defense Lox’t at sea?

Looks like QB Chris took some advice from last week’s rankings and passed the ball around to multiple receivers leading to 5 TDs - you heard it here first folks, throw the ball to everyone and you’ll win!! Coaching sessions provided at no cost by the DCGFFL Power Rankings Internal Commission on Knowledgeable Shade are brought to you thanks to viewers like you.

The defense, however, nearly gave the Light Blue team their first win of the season - so while a win is a win, some adjustments clearly need to be made.

Will these Coral queens stay Loxxed in the rest of the season, or are they due for a schedule Loaded with L’s?

Easter Candy: Dots

Are they good? Are they bad? I don’t really know, but they’re sure to make things interesting.

Week 5 - nearly a comeback for the Navy Team, a tale of two halves.

In the first half they could be stopped, and they certainly were - putting up only 1 TD, shoutout Marvin! However, in the 2nd half, they could not be stopped - multiple TDs from Mark, Matt, and clutch catches from Josh led to 20 points - but they came up just short.

After last week’s sinking ship without their QB1, Navy and receiver Josh looked to get back on course, but just couldn’t get it done against the #1 team in this week’s rankings.

Will the Joint Chiefs of Shaft keep it up when we return from BYE, or is it time to call 1-800-VI-AGRA?

Easter Candy: Tootsie Pops

How many licks to get to the center of a tootsie pop? We don’t know. This team has been all over the place, confusing at times. Keeping tabs to see how this team does down the stretch - which they can be found doing approximately 3 hours before the game.

These Indigooners need to spend less time gooning, and more time Indi-going to practice, because what’s going on here?

2 TDs from Christian, and additional TDs from brothers Elijah and Jordan kept them in the game, but it wasn’t good enough behind a poor defensive performance. Giving up nearly 40 points just isn’t going to cut it.

Will the Gooners Indi-Get-It-Together, or will they be left O-facing at more losses in the 2nd half of the season?

Easter Candy: Starburst Jelly Beans

Starbursts are great, Starburst Jelly Beans are not. Thought this team would be better, and maybe they are, only time will tell.

First off, welcome to the season Cap’n Pete, hopefully your presence can Blue Wake this team tf up and get those wins flowing! After a solid first half performance with 2 TDs from Ryan and supplemental pick James, this team looked poised to pick up an upset over Forest - but they simply could not get a stop in the 2nd half.

Jordan A consistently had the defense in the right spot and they had chances to pull in multiple picks - they did get one on a Recto pick-6 - but the other dropped picks allowed Forest to score TDs and the upset bid fell apart.

Will QB Zach and the Wake and Bakers spark it up when we return, or has their flame gone out?

Easter Candy: Chocolate Bunnies

Hard exterior with some very good players, but the defense has been hollow, this team has one of the highest negative point differentials in the league so far.

The Atomic Bombshells looked more like bomb-less shells this Sunday - lack of attendance, lack of defense, and lack of blockers led to… a big defeat. “We threw twink after twink into the breach…Henry Kissinger would be proud” - team member newly struggling with PTSD.

In some positives, Tiger pulled in a TD and Chris kept Do-ing what he does best, getting behind the defense and grabbing some big catches, but it wasn’t enough to pick up another win. This team has looked like a shell of what they were during the first 3 weeks, after taking 2 big losses.

Is Atomic due to explode offensively to end the season and win some more games, or has their season completely imploded?

Easter Candy: Jelly Belly Jelly Beans

A classic, well put-together team- but they just haven’t executed. Just like when I eat jelly beans, I expect more.

The Kobalt Power Drillers are really going to have to power through these injuries if they want to drill their way into a higher playoff seed, because right now they look out of battery. TDs from Cedric and Hoyler helped them keep it somewhat close on Sunday, but Kelly drilled too many holes in their defense to prevent Cobalt from getting their 2nd win this season.

Will Cobalt finally get all their feet on the ground and off the crutches to help propel them to more wins, or are they too broken and battered to power their way into the W column?

Wishing this team a healthy and injury-less remainder of the season.

Easter Candy: Whoppers Robin Eggs

Possibly the worst of the eggs candies, but they’ve been dealt a tough hand this season. Hoping this bye week gives them time to regroup.

Three weeks in a row with QB Matt at the fields, and they still didn’t pick up a win. Rumor has it he’s gone again when we return. What a drag.

Let’s look at the positives, BluPaul’s Drag Race sashayed their way to their most points on the season at 32, and also only lost by 1 point, so maybe the tide is turning in Blue’s favor. Multiple TDs from Juan and some excellent gameplay from other players across the field helped bring them the closest they’ve been to the win column, but they have yet to shantay and stay.

Will the BYE week be all the BluPaul’s need to get their big break, or will they continue to sashay away as season 30 approaches its 2nd half?

Easter Candy: Peeps

Sparkly, star-studded team; but soft on the inside. But sometimes Peeps can be surprisingly good, so maybe the 2nd half of this season will be a different story.