Power Rankings

Olive has been rolling. In their past 4 games, they have won by a minimum of 3 scores each and have outscored their opponents by a total of 84 points. Olive is leading the league in total points this season, averaging 34.5 points per game. Not only is their offense seemingly unstoppable, they are also #1 in the league in defense, giving up only 20 points per game. They are also #2 in defensive interceptions with 17 total (7 from Jamal L.) and #1 in total sacks at 29 on the season, TWENTY THREE of which have come from Carnell, which I believe to be a league record. Ten players on this roster have scored this season, led by Jamal (11 TDs) and rookie standout, Andrew (9 TDs). Shaq Brooks continues to talk trash the opposing QBs, seemingly daring them to challenge his side. League grandmothers Jeremy S, Brandon W. & Alonzo M. continue to humble the much more athletic and spry additions to the league. Does this team have any weaknesses? I think the only thing stopping this team is their inability to stay home and say no to Tequila shots the night before the games. EDITOR’S NOTE: We all know this is another ploy to get teams to buy them shots. Don’t fall for it.

Olives KEY to advancing to the final four: STAY THE F**K HOME!!

Olives Final Four celebration: Streets

Seafoam is very, very good. They have won 6 straight games, are #2 in total offense, averaging 32.7 points per game and are undefeated with Ben H. in attendance at QB. While they are in the middle of the pack in defensive efficiency and stats, this offense is so high powered I don’t think it even matters. Seafoam’s offense is led by Captain Paul with 11 TDs, closely followed by Drew (9 TDs), Jay (8 TDs) and Cash (6 TDs). This team turned some heads this past weekend with their halftime chant, apparently led by Chris RR. I don’t even know if Cam will let me keep this in the rankings, but I was told it went something like “Full hearts, gaping [redacted], CANT LOSE!” (He did not let JC keep it in.) Rightttt…Anyway, without a few key players this week - some teams in their bracket are hoping they can pull off an upset - while I don’t see it happening, anything could!

Seafoam’s KEYs to success:

• Utilize depth and play loose ;)
• Hype each other up AND pick each other up
• Daily text reminder to Jay W. to do his morning stretches while on vacation this week

Seafoam’s Final Four celebration: Call their mothers and lock tf back IN.

Kelly is on fire. After starting the season 0-3, this team has completely turned around their season and finished the regular season with 6 straight wins. The streets are saying they purposefully tanked for a good supplemental draft pick, but who’s to say? This team’s offense has stayed consistent over the past few weeks but what’s been most impressive is their defense. During their 6 game win streak, this team has not allowed more than 3 TDs a game and has been holding their opponents to a bare 14 points per game! This team is absolutely loaded with 4 players finishing in the top 50 for total points scored: Chad H. with 12 TDs, Kevin H. with 10 TDs, Thomas L. with 6 TDs, and Michael A. with 6 TDs as well. If Jim continues the consistency at QB and captain Brandon M. keeps this team focused, they could make some noise and advance.

It just so happens their first matchup, also rumored to be the “Boo Bowl” against Blue Wake, may have some underlying drama already. After doing some investigative reporting, there were reports that Luke B. has been on the sidelines of nearly all of Blue Wakes games with a notepad in hand. Was he supporting his man, or has he had other intentions all along?

Kelly’s Keys to success:

• Count on Luke to report back accurate intel.
• Rush EVERYONE at once or no one at all?

Kelly’s Final Four celebration: Go out and live up to their true, team name —– ?? I actually don’t know what their team name is, does anyone else?

Live look at Luke B. every weekend -

Lime has been a bit of a rollercoaster this season. After starting 4-0 and looking nearly unbeatable, they finished 2-3 in their last 5 games of the season. Now – they did close the season strong by absolutely dominating Cobalt last week (so badly that they had Cobalt melting down in the post game huddle), so they appear to be locked back in just in time for playoffs. Lime is #3 in overall offense, averaging 30.1 points per game led by QB Cam M and receivers Twon H (12 TDs), Everett W (7 TDs) & Tyler L. (7 TDs). While their offense is looking sharp again, what is concerning about this team is their defensive stats. They are in the bottom half of defensive interceptions and dead last in sacks this season with only six total! I am hoping defending champion and captain Jens P. has a gameplan to start applying some more pressure on opposing QBs, because, according to the stats, it appears their opponents have all day to throw. Back to the positives - this team drafted a lot of rookies and Brandon, Will, Cowie, Terrill have all continued to show improvement each and every week and appear ready for their first ever DCGFFL Playoffs.

Lime’s Keys to success:

• Get back to playing like they did weeks 1-4
• Rely on rookies to show up BIG
• Possible investment in psychotherapy

Lime’s Final Four celebration: Apparently Jens is bringing a bunch of beer to the fields.

Listen, I know this team has an unexplainable 3-6 record, I know. However, Maroon is loaded with talent and with the full team in attendance, this team is scary. Andrew A. quite literally has 3 A travel receivers at his disposal, in addition to the speedy Benny K., 30 season vet Smiffy, and Josh K. They also have very talented rushers in Liam F. & Captain Trey P. After speaking with their team leaders, it appears most of their losses have been by one score, and the team has dealt with numerous injuries which has led to a lack in attendance, including having to forfeit one of their games. If Maroon can finally put a full team together on the field, watch out - they can pull off a win against anyone.

Maroon’s Keys to success:

• EXECUTE!
• Focus & Discipline. Stay Patient.
• Put two full games together when it matters most

Maroon’s Final Four celebration: Gatorade shower for the QB OR a team trip to their sponsor, Physio!

Now on the other end, we have White who finished with a strong 7-2 record. My question here is….how? White is 5th lowest in total points per game with only 199 points scored on the season. Every other team with sub 200 points scored has not won more than 4 games! Earlier in the season, I made fun of this team for their 40 yard dash time - maybe they have used this to their advantage and have kept other teams offenses off the field by moving at a snail’s pace down the field. I guess we can also attribute it to them leading the league in interceptions on defense, raking in 20, which is more than 2 ints per game. White’s scoring has come from Jack L. (8 TDs), 2x champ Quinn M (7 TDs) and Andy P .(4 TDs). This team seems to pull off close games with only a +16 point differential as well. Can Oriya’s defensive mind come up with a game plan to stop the high powered offense from Maroon, and will Derrick be back from injury for the playoffs? I think both will need to happen in order to prevent the upset on Sunday.

White’s Keys to success:

• Play solid defense and don’t fall behind
• Limit turnovers on offense and score
• Avoid bad matchups

White’s Final Four celebration: Half the team shows up at Crush to party while the other half raises their kids or makes up half-hearted excuses to be anywhere but Sunday Funday (Oriya).

At the beginning of the season, I ranked this team below a plain Taco Bell taco, and boy was it tempting to do it again after this team’s week 9 performance against Blue Wake. Purple was crushed by Blue Wake 44-13 and was unable to get it together on both sides of the ball. This was definitely not the performance any of us were expecting from the #2 seed in the Pitchers division. I wonder what kind of speech captain Mahoney had for his team after that one…whew.. Hopefully this team is able to pick themselves up mentally and regain their focus for this Sunday. Purple finished this season #4 in total offense led by Captain Jordan M. (12 TDs), Elijah M. (9 TDs) & Christian A (7 TDs), however they are near last in defense, giving up 28 points per game. If Purple can get back to their high powered offense and string together a stop or two per game, they could see themselves advancing to the final 4 and keep Wyatt’s hopes of a 3 peat at QB alive. After multiple attempts, I have been unable to reach Wyatt to comment on how this team plans to rebound from last week, can someone please check on him?

Purple’s Keys to success:

• Good night’s rest
• Trust each other on defense. Play strong, disciplined and have fun.
• Find Wyatt

Purple’s Final Four celebration: Direct quote: “We turning TF up at Crush after! Might all call off work frfr (jk I NEED to watch Euphoria, but I’m turning up till 8)”

Wyatt & Jordan every day this week -

Forest had dropped 4 out of their last 5 games until this past weekend where they picked up a crucial, much needed win against Navy to lock themselves in as the 3 seed in the Pitchers division. This team is very talented when everyone is in attendance and rumor is captain Alex D. may be returning for the playoffs after suffering a fractured foot just a few weekends ago. Is this a smart decision? Probably not - and that’s all I will say. Not that I can really talk.. A somewhat surprising stat due to the amount of athletes on this team is that Forest is 2nd to last in the league in total defensive interceptions on the season and 4th to the bottom for sacks. Pair this with a middle of the pack offense, this could come back to bite them in the playoffs this weekend if they aren’t able to force some turnovers. Can first time QB Luie lead this squad to the final four? We will see.

Forest’s Keys to success:

• Don’t get beat deep
• Purchase Grip Spray for the team (apparently due to numerous dropped passes)

Forest’s Final Four celebration: Option 1: Black out at Crush and make out with boys. Option 2: Black out at Crush and hit up Yum’s on the way home. No option 3.

Me every time Luie lobs a ball over the middle:

I am not going to take it easy on this team, but they did it to themselves. First, let me say that off the field, this team is full of wonderful, kind hearted individuals. On the field, my goodness. This team quite literally will blame the referees for EVERYTHING. In my 10+ seasons in the DCGFFL, I have never seen anything like it. Brian’s sore knees? Ref’s fault. Numerous dropped passes? Yeah, the refs did that too. If there is a cute little puppy barking in the background or even a bird chirping in the trees, this team will scream at the refs to penalize the poor animals for an unsportsmanlike conduct, maybe a flag guard, ANYTHING to distract themselves from the fact that they have left half the opposing teams receivers wide open for a touchdown. Apparently, every call is always against them, and they would actually win every single game and have a 9-0 record if it weren’t for our (reminder, VOLUNTEER) DCGFFL referees.

Now that I am done dragging them, let’s get to Gold’s stats. Gold is #6 in scoring offense led by veteran QB Matt Cline (actually one of the few members on this team who doesn’t yell at refs…). Sorry - had to throw in one more shot… This team is pretty balanced in scoring with the two Bryan’s combining for a total of 16 TDs followed by Captain Trask’s 5 TDs. This team has suffered a few injuries this season including their talented rusher Noah’s knee, and very recently their rookie Shray and veteran John R. with what I believe to be a fractured hand and broken finger, respectively (get well soon!), so they may be short-handed this weekend. Lucky for them, they are also playing a short handed Gray team in round 1 who hasn’t stopped a single team on defense in 5 weeks.

Gold’s Keys to success:

• Takeaways on defense which will lead to offensive success
• Sew both of the Bryans’ mouths shut

Gold’s Final Four celebration: “Golden showers, of course” — Listen I am just reporting what was said. For any interested parties, you know who to reach out to now.
New board position next season: DOCM - Director of Complaint Management

Blue Wake is surging. The team has won 3 out of their last 4 games after a (1-4) start to the season. Rookie QB Zach M. seems to be figuring out the QB position and has looked cool, calm, and collected while throwing to his star receiving core. Brandon R. leads this team in offensive TDs (10) followed by Ryan W (7 TDs), Jordan A (6 TDs) & James J (4 TDs). They will however be without Brandon this week against a very good Kelly team, so we will see if they can keep up the momentum without an important piece of their offense. Heard at the DCGFFL draft from the team leaders of this team when drafting Brandon R. “I am not worried about playoffs”…. readers, it seems they are worried NOW. This team is tied for #2 in forced turnovers which has been a huge part of their recent success, and rolls into playoff weekend with a huge upset over the #2 seed Purple this past weekend.

Again, this team faces off against Kelly Green in the Boo Bowl with 2 couples going at it. When asked about concerns of their team secrets being shared with the enemy, they responded with “gravely concerned” - could be something to watch out for!

Blue Wake’s Keys to success:

• Watch countless hours of tape on Game Glimpse to study their opponents
• Play like they did the last 2 weeks

Blue’s Final Four celebration: Tequila soda’s only.

Blue trying to figure out how to beat Kelly after hours of film:

Early in the season, I predicted this team to finish in the top 4. As of now, this team has definitely not lived up to expectations. In the past 5 weeks, they have not stopped a single team from what I have seen, giving up an average of 37 points per game!! Let’s just say defense is not this team’s strong suit, which is okay as long as your offense is cooking. It’s not. Gray finished in the middle of the pack in overall offense and has suffered from a serious case of the dropsies in recent weeks, with multiple passes tipping off their receivers hands for interceptions. With captain Michael B. also going down with an injury last week, this team is in trouble heading into the playoffs. I have seen AJ R. pull off miracles before and has led less equipped teams to final fours and championships, only time will tell if he can do it again.

Grays Keys to success:

• Play well on defense and manage the game
• Catch the DAMN BALL!!!
• Stop showing up late and hungover
• Pray

Gray’s Final Four celebration: Carry Michael B. to the bars since he can’t walk after his injury :(

Atomic, also known as the “nice guys” and known for having the ultimate team vibe, heads into the playoffs with a 2-7 record. They do however claim they are winning off the field which we always will support. Truth be told, I don’t think I have seen this team play a single game with their full roster in attendance, which could explain why they seemingly can’t put a full game together. Atomic’s offense is led by Andre (10 TDs) and Chris D. (5 TDs). By the way, did anyone see Chris’s catch last weekend? It was CRAZY, we need to figure out what his vertical is because he got UP for that one. Atomic faces off against #1 seed juggernaut Seafoam this week and don’t be surprised if this one is closer than expected. Last time they met, Seafoam only pulled out the win by 5 points. With the playoff pressure to come, this could come down to the wire and I am placing Seafoam on upset alert.

Atomic’s Keys to success:

• Put together 2 complete games
• Stay consistent
• Stop being nice guys

Atomic’s Final Four celebration: Taco bell for the 3rd weekend in a row!

Atomic on the field:

Atomic off the field:

I was completely right about this team in my pre-season power rankings. This team is on the older side and started the season off with previously sustained injuries and it is very clear that despite hours of stretching and physical therapy, they have not gone away. When I asked this team’s leaders to comment on what their key to success would be this weekend, I got an immediate response of “Cortisone shots” and then “not being injured”. Navy has been in close games all season, not a single game was decided by more than 2 scores (outside of their first game), and if not for their forfeit win against Maroon 2 weeks ago, would have a point differential of 0 points! If Navy can continue to play with their gameplan of staying in games until the end, they definitely could pull off some upsets on Sunday. Marvin, Josh E., and Matt H. lead this teams offense combining for 16 of this team’s 27 TDs this season.

Navy’s Keys to success:

• Ibuprofen
• Cortisone Shots
• Icy Hot
• Knee Braces
• Ankle Braces
• Back Braces
• Speed walk, don’t run

Navy’s Final Four celebration: More of the above, perhaps Disney World, Mark’s Cabin.

Navy at Sunday Funday:

Another team that I predicted to be in the top 5 at the beginning of the season, aka team bestie, has surprised us all with a 1-8 record to finish the season. Now, some of this is due to their starting QB missing nearly half of the season (don’t worry Matt, I won’t name names)…. Anyway, Juan still somehow managed to lead the league in points scored with 13 TDs on the season, even after having to sub in at QB for 3 games. TJ C. finished with 4 TDs this season as well and Alex Hunter led the team in sacks with 5. Light Blue has managed to be competitive in their last 3 weeks of the season and is hopeful to pull off a major upset win over #1 seed Olive.

Update - after sitting next to Juan at the Ref & Captain appreciation dinner last night, Juan is EXTREMELY confident that they have a plan in place to do the unthinkable and pull off the upset. I mean, the man ordered a side of shrimp to put on top of his Steak & Cheese sandwich, so maybe he knows something none of us do!

Light Blue’s Keys to success:

• Lock in on offense, control the tempo
• Capitalize on mistakes

Light Blue’s Final Four celebration: Direct quote: “Shaking some ass walking through the club lookin like a snack (get it sexyy)”

I have Coral at 15 because of their 2-7 record but I actually believe they are better than their record shows. In Coral’s last 3 games, they have lost by a COMBINED total of 5 points. With proper late game execution, this team could easily be 5-4. Chris D. has thrown for 30 TDs this season which is a big improvement over last season and defensively, this team is #4 in forced turnovers with 16 interceptions on the season (led by Chad M with 9 Ints). If Captain Andrew G. can bring his championship experience and have this team executing on their 2 minute drill to finish games, this squad has a chance to pull off the upset vs a shell-shocked Purple team this week in round 1.

Coral’s Keys to success:

• Learn basic DCGFFL rules
• Close out games
• Cardio (apparently they get tired in the 2nd half?)

Coral’s Final Four celebration: From the QB himself, “Take shots and cry tears of joy” and classic answer from their captain, two words: “TACO BELL”.

Cobalt has struggled to score all season. They are last in total offense by a long shot and have only brought in 22 TDs in 9 games. This largely could be due to losing their star receiver Morgan W. very early in the season and who is rumored to be returning just in time for playoffs! They are also ranked 2nd to last in overall team sacks which shows that their defense isn’t necessarily helping out their struggling offense either. After getting blown out by Lime this week, there were very loud internal “discussions” amongst team members on what needs to be corrected prior to next week. With apparently a full roster this coming Sunday (finally), let’s see if they can start putting some points on the board and pull off an upset against #4 seed Forest.

Cobalt’s Keys to success:

• Come together as a team
• Stop yelling at everyone
• Score some points

Cobalt’s Final Four celebration: Hop on a Southwest plane and fly away.