The Kozaks: Ladies+ Edition
The Care Bears have had a couple of close losses recently, but when you’re writing the Kozaks, you put your team #1! The only team with FOUR women: yours truly, Sasha, Kori, and Stacey. We have really missed Stacey’s presence on the field since her injury, but she and Jewel can be seen on the sidelines as the Care Bears’ biggest fans! Shout out to Kori for Wig of the Day this past weekend!
The only team with 6 wins this season. Can the Blew Ball Busters hold on through playoffs? I guess it all depends on if they have their fearless, athletic, speedster, Mariam! With high energy, kindness, and skill, Mariam is the key! Honestly, she would fit right in with the Care Bears :)
Even though this is the ladies edition, I still have to shout out Jordan and admit when I’m wrong. I ate my words this past Sunday when Jordan showed me up - he had something to prove and he did it. Alright, back to the stars of Into the Thicc of It: Mel and Kat! Kat’s out with a calf injury, but Capt. Austin is hoping her reliable hands and veteran route-running will be back for playoffs! Mel is an impressive player and an awesome teammate. Mel is known for her toughness and willingness to stick her nose in the action - her positive attitude and grit are huge assets to this team!
4 Jam it In (Purple) 5-2
Jam it In is having a solid season. Ashley S., Munroe, and Heide round out this scrappy team! Although I think I’ve seen Heide at more social events than actual games. Let’s be honest though, partying is a big part of what makes Purple, Jam it In! Ashley got her first DCGFFL TD in Week 6, and Munroe got a crucial goal line pick to help Purple beat White in Week 4!
Side note: we all need to pressure Scott to write his playoff predictions in The Kozaks after Week 8!
5 Shipfaced (Navy) 5-2
Shipfaced, c’mon man. No ladies on the team?! Well, here’s a look at Levert regretting that decision and making sure his equipment is still in check.
6 Fire in the Hole (Red) 5-2
Fire in the Hole eked out a win over Purple last week. Maybe if they had some ladies, it would’ve been a blowout! Here’s some pictures of the awesomeness they’re missing out on. Specifically, Kori tackling Ben H.
7 The Cream Team (White) 5-2
The Cream Team beat Iron this past week to put them back in the rankings after a forfeit the week before. Another team with no ladies, but as Vincent would say, Bryan S. is “just one of the girls.” Oh, and Jeff M. has one of the cutest little ladies on the sidelines: Lily! What a sweetheart!
8 Toxic sLIME (Lime Green) 4-3
Can you believe Gay J didn’t draft any ladies?! Yeah, me too. We love Capt. Darryl though, so we’ll let it slide…here’s some badass ladies of the league anyway.
9 Iron Curtain (Iron Gray) 3-4
Amanda D. is the heart and soul of Iron Curtain. Even though she was a little hungover this past Sunday, she still brought a high level of energy to the team. She even got called for an illegal rush when she wasn’t rushing on that play. Hmm, who reffed that game?? Her speed and enthusiasm are huge for this team. Capt. Joe is right to want her in the running for Female Rookie of the Season!
Blackbeard & the Booty Pirates have had a tough season, but they’ve been rallying thanks to Caroline! And let’s not forget everyone’s favorite sideline morale booster, Sam C., who got their dog into a rainbow costume for the game!
11 Cadet Kellys (Kelly Green) 3-4
Shantal and Yvette make this football thing look effortless, but don’t be fooled by their cute faces. They’re fierce underneath! The Cadet Kellys are lucky to have these two.
12 Celine Neon (Neon Orange) 3-4
Veteran Fatima and Rookie Holly are the glue for Celine Neon! With Holly’s sure hands, you’d think she’s been playing in the league since the beginning. Fatima brings some savage speed. These ladies are not to be trifled with.
13 Blue-m for You (Royal) 3-4
Blue-m for You is hanging on after a tough loss to Carolina. Nadja plays a key role on this team. Her offensive blocking and ability to read the field helps to set up some clutch plays!
14 Silversatile (Silver) 1-6
Silversatile’s league veterans, Jayme and Nikki, help hold this team together, while Annie rounds them out. In Capt. Jorge’s words, “The term rookie doesn’t quite apply to our defensive minded, Raven loving, tequila swilling bad ass…Don’t let the dimples fool you - she already has your flags.” If only this team had a few more games before playoffs, I think they’re really finding their stride.
15 The Golden Gurls (Gold) 1-6
The Golden Gurls are really missing Tori, who had a season-ending injury. I guess the next best female shout out on this team is Mop Top’s wife who just had a baby! Maybe we could get New-momma M out there to help this team.
16 Blue-a Lipa (Atomic Blue) 0-7
Ashley always brings her A-game. She was a rusher, blocker, linebacker, and receiver all in one game this past week! And wore a badass mullet wig…if you don’t know her, you should.