Power Rankings

Two games, two wins, and one battered roster later, the Sinners remain on top. Their morning matchup with Corn was tougher than expected, but Red’s defense held firm and eventually wore them down. And by game two, they were running on fumes, adrenaline, and extra strength Tylenol, yet still managed to edge out Silver in one of the most physical games of the season.

Rookie of the Week Bre S. set the tone early — dislocating her finger into something resembling a right angle, popping it back in, and heading straight back onto the field like nothing happened. The rest of the team followed suit: bruised, cramping, and refusing to quit. Kori was Kori (duh…) and Cassie M. sealed the deal with a late-game pick six that locked in the win with seconds left on the clock.

With much of their roster playing double duty, Red’s performance on Sunday wasn’t as dominant or as pretty as it’s been in the past, but it was effective and solidified their place at the top. Hopefully, with a week to rest (and ice everything), and a full roster, they’ll be ready to finish the regular season just as strong as they started it.

The Grassholes dominated in their game against Blue — it wasn’t even close. From the first drive to the final whistle, Green controlled the pace, the field, and the scoreboard by double digits.

Their defense was ruthless — with interceptions from Lowe, Meg B., and Court A. (who also added a pick-six for good measure). Meg B. even showed off and returned an extra-point attempt all the way back for two more points they certainly didn’t need. On offense, they looked just as sharp, moving the ball with ease and confidence.

With that kind of performance, it’s clear the Grassholes are locked in and ready to fight for that playoff bye — and that any team standing in their way (ahem, Silver) should be nervous.

Silver’s doubleheader proved once again that this team is not to be underestimated. Their defense doesn’t play pretty — it plays fast, physical, and just a little bit feral. Undermanned and deeply hungover, the Chromies still managed to break the Foamies’ win streak and show what a little caffeine, too many motion plays, and A LOT of travel players can do to thwart another team’s playoff dreams (take it up with your captains who allowed them to draft like that…). We also got another proof point that the only thing harder than Silver’s defense is Carter Baron’s (bouncy?!) fields — which we understand a banged up Sophie can now personally verify.

In their second game—where they lost to the Sinners—they started things off with a different kind of a “bang,” when they shut down Red’s first drive mere minutes into the game. QB Shayne once again proved she’s her own best receiver, that she’s unbothered whether you rush two or three, and that you’ll never catch up with her once she turns on the jets, BUT that she will ALWAYS catch up with you — as we saw when she outran every player on the field to stop a pick from Red’s Cassie (mere inches away from the red zone). And last, but certainly not least, Sophie capped things off on this team’s impressive performance by channeling her inner “Daddy” energy, and dominating on the field (and off…both times with her handsome masc bunnies—Judy and Lexie—in tow).

With the playoff bye at stake, we know the Chromies will be laying it all on the line…so if there’s one game to watch this Sunday, it’s certainly this one.

Corn came out swinging, matching Red’s energy in a game that was far closer than anyone not paying attention to their season might have expected it to be. And last Sunday’s matchup proved exactly why this team can’t be counted out just yet — especially if they return to full strength by playoffs.

As always, the Corn Stars gave us a show — including another glimpse of QB “versatility,” if you will, when their fearless QB Lynch lined up at rush in an ironic plot twist that found her on the receiving end of one of her favorite blockers (aka Sinner Captain extraordinaire, Jayme). And while that was certainly one of the more memorable defensive plays of the game, their offense moved with purpose and clean connections to Miriam S. and Q kept them in it until the final whistle.

The record might not show it, but this team’s grit and talent make them a dangerous draw come playoff time.

It was a cold day for Icy Hot — and not just because of the weather. They were just never really able to turn up the heat and that allowed Forest Green to control the game from start to finish.

Still, Blue showed flashes of what they’re capable of and why no one should get too comfortable facing them (especially when they’re working those short balls). On offense, Peyton’s sticky hands and Maria’s quick releases kept things moving, while Angie once again proved to be a force to be reckoned with — securing multiple mid-air catches during critical moments and finding the end zone to give the Blues their only points of the day. Blue also stood their ground defensively, delivering a few standout moments — including a nice blocked ball from Rene and steady pressure from rushers Dinora and Ty, who notched a few sacks and even forced Green’s QB to make a run for it.

With playoffs looming, Icy Hot might be down, but they’re far from out, and this weekend is the perfect time for them to play spoiler and shake things up.

Last in the rankings but never last in our hearts, Seafoam showed in their game against Silver that what they lacked in points, they made up for in grit, spirit, and—unfortunately—in injuries. Even their backups were out, leading to a league first when they borrowed Forest Green QB Nik. (It’s technically the same color family, right? So I guess we’ll allow it.)

Battered, bruised, and banged up, this team still leaves it all on the field and somehow always looks like they are having a good time — no doubt a vibe set by team captain and resident Hetero-in-Chief Dana, who always manages to keep morale high and her Foamosexuals in good spirits.

With just one game left in the regular season, Seafoam will need to dig deep in order to finish strong and head into playoffs on a high — either figuratively, or more likely, literally from pain meds.