Power Rankings

Gold decided last week’s one-point win was a little too close for comfort, so they responded the only logical way: a casual 22-0 shutout to jump them to the top spot. Turns out they’re guarding faces like they’re guarding the #1 spot.

As the score suggests, Gold controlled this one from start to finish, with the defense in particular choosing violence. The stat line said it all: 4 INTs, 3 TDs, and very little doubt about how this was going to end.

The highlight of the day involved a full-blown game of hot potato after Milla’s rugby instincts kicked in and she pitched back an interception to Dinora (Gold’s face masked avenger), who then pitched it to Cam (a player very familiar with life on top…that’s what she said).

Look, we weren’t planning to say this part out loud, but if you thought this team was already cooking after their 22-0 win, just wait until they add a supplemental ingredient to the mix.

Up next: Texas Orange

Watching a powerhouse like Purple Heather play guarantees a few things: multiple TDs, steady chirping from the players (and sidelines 👀), and a long afternoon for whichever refs were unlucky enough to be assigned to their game. But last Sunday came with a cherry on top: the return of Meg L., — who wasted no time reminding everyone who’s in charge, or at least second place.

Remember the Meg L.–Lisa Z. combo we warned you about last week? Well…were we right? Or were we right? First drive: a massive TD run from Lisa Z., who somehow managed to pull a quad and still not get her flags pulled. Three touchdowns later—with Bubs and Kelly K. smiling sweetly while making sure no one touched their quarterback—Purple walked away with the W while their Captain Elle watched calmly from the sidelines as her team lived up to their name.

Purple now sits 2–0 with two different starting QBs, and next week they could make it three. Unlike the Cleveland Browns (and their “tradition” of cycling through QB’s), this experiment seems to be working just fine for them.

Up next: Turf Green

Some games are showcases of the offense’s capabilities. The Red Flags’ game against the Grim ReapHers was not that, because Sunday belonged to Red’s defense.

Cee and Chelsea T. kept their usual No Fly Zone intact and rushers Emily, Sonali, and Ty were in Black’s backfield all morning, putting on good pressure and handing out sacks like Oprah hands out freebies. At one point, good pressure from rookie rusher Sonali nearly led to a pick-six, but Black’s QB Court turned on the jets to shut that down.

Was it smooth sailing? Not exactly. There were slips, missed chances, and a few plays everyone would probably like back. But good teams don’t always win pretty — sometimes it takes a little grit, scrappiness, and hustle to eke out the win. And that’s fine, because in the standings the little details don’t matter. A win is a win.

Up next: Smoke Grey

You didn’t believe us when we called this the game of the week did you? That’s okay, we accept your apology. Doubting us? Unwise. Doubting Texas Orange? Unwise — and it’ll cost you on the scoreboard.

Now you might be asking yourself: how could a game with only six points be the Game of the Week? Well, that’s because sometimes the best drama comes from the tightest games. For example, for much of the first half it looked like the stat sheet might consist of exactly one entry: rookie Cecilia’s sack. But never one to stay out of the spotlight for long, Meg B. stepped in to change that — picking the ball and turning it into the only points of the game with a few very helpful (and some might say illegal) blocks clearing the way.

With Captain Austyn directing traffic from the sideline and rookie QB Courtney starting to find her groove (and Iris’s hands), Texas Orange is already looking like a team worth paying attention to.

Up Next: Vegas Gold

Ever stood on a Metro platform waiting just a little too long for the train to arrive? Spectators of this game could probably relate.

The game had plenty of motion, but the offense never quite reached its destination — which we’re sure they’d like to blame on muddy footing and a swarm of gnats that seemed determined to suit up for Gold. And it certainly wasn’t for lack of effort. Effort, however, counts for exactly zero on the scoreboard — which just so happens to be the number of points Green put up last Sunday.

The bright spot: rookie QB Maya L. is starting to look more comfortable, and hopefully this is only a temporary delay — because once that offense gets moving, Green has the pieces to make some noise.

Up next: Purple Heather

Nothing to see here, folks… just Grey’s hopes of notching their first win (or putting points on the board) going up in smoke💨. (Cheap jab? We know, we hate us too.)

Look, the stat sheet may have been quiet, but there were still a few sparks. Daddy Yang was stuntin’ on ’em — most notably with a perfectly executed chair route that had both the offense and defense sat. Captain KP also seems to be settling into the role, even embracing the league’s time-honored tradition of telling the refs how to do their jobs.

There’s honestly not much else to say about this one, so we’ll chalk it up to early-season bugs. After all, it’s only Week Two — and smoke tends to mean fire isn’t far behind.

Up next: Scarlet Heather

Black opened the game like a team determined to change the narrative — but the final score still read: too bad, so sad. The silver lining? They somehow moved up a spot in the rankings. Good for you, ReapHers. 👏🏽

You’d think a game this physical would leave them with more to show for it. Cash shut down Red’s opening drive and Tori worked the middle and put points for Black on the board — but beyond that, things mostly fizzled.

We also couldn’t help noticing ReapHers bodies hitting the turf all afternoon, which had us wondering what kind of “pick” they were chasing — a pick-six… or the supplemental kind 👀.

Easy now, little Death Eaters. It’s only Week Two — you’ll need those bodies if you’re going to climb out of the bottom of these rankings.

Up next: Tropic Blue

At first glance this team’s ranking might raise a few eyebrows…but anyone who’s watched Tropic Blue play knows it doesn’t tell the whole story.

Need proof? Start with the defense, which racked up an impressive SIX sacks in a single game — four of them courtesy of a guest appearance from Baby Bubs. And on the other side of the ball, rookie QB Ash Y. is already showing she can find openings for her receivers and keep the offense moving (even if she’s still itching to let a few of those deep balls fly).

Regardless, this team needs one or two more pieces to help their offense match the intensity of their defense — and rumor has it at least one of those pieces was just delivered on a silver platter… rather curious timing, considering next week’s matchup will see a large chunk of last season’s champions lining up against each other.

Up next: Black