Power Rankings

Light Blue’s status atop these rankings isn’t just the author’s way of coping with their worst loss of the season so far; this team looks great on the field and on the stat sheets! Jim’s been orchestrating a high-flying offense with the second-most passing yards this season (1,653 yards), but I want to highlight their defense, who currently have a league-leading 16 interceptions! Zak S. leads the way with 6, but this is a whole team effort: 6 different players have recorded a pick this season. The squats are paying off as this Bluety is toned and well-rounded, with the point differential and record to prove it!

Austin continues to make a strong MVP case with a league-high 1,678 passing yards, 29 total TDs, and more interceptions as a defender than he’s thrown (5 to 4)! Andy has been his key accomplice with a league-leading 685 receiving yards and 84.5 head shakes between plays* (Disclaimer: NGS does not track head shakes or F-bombs dropped on camera). With the one seed in sight, can Cardinal keep this connection going strong?

Speaking of MVPs, Chad M. continues to do it all: he’s efficient out of the pocket (73% completion percentage and 23 total TDs) and is tied for the lead on defense with 6 interceptions! We love a vers queen! Among Forest’s rotating cast of wide receivers, Ryan W. has emerged as their stable star, accounting for 5 of their top 10 receiving performances and 36% of their total yards. This team also now holds the record for fastest score of the season…so fast in fact that game glimpse couldn’t capture any footage of the kick return TD!

Wearing purple this season seems to have AJ fully channeling Brett Favre, a fellow purple-wearing gunslinger, as his 33 total touchdowns leads the league, but his 6 interceptions thrown are the most of any QB in the top 6. However, turning the ball over isn’t a problem when you’ve got Noah M. and his 9 sacks (second-best in the league) to help get the ball right back. Purple is now 5-0 when scoring at least 30 points in a game and 0-2 when failing to score 30, so I guess the gameplan is simple going into Week 8: just keep scoring, just keep scoring…

Jordan A. is one of only two players this season to record a passing, receiving, and rushing TD (drink of your choice if you can name who the other player is)! The only NGS stat currently a zero on his stat-line is a sack, so I fully expect snaps at rusher this week against Light Blue in what should be a must-see matchup for the 1 seed in the division.

Matt R. is making a strong case for Offensive Player of the Year, with a league-leading 14 receiving TDs and the second-most receiving yards (660), AND he’s doing it on 1 fewer game than the rest of the field! Despite having a really clean and effective season at QB (1,610 passing yards, 29 passing TDs, 3 interceptions), Wyatt’s most impressive stat is on defense: 47 flag-pulls, a full 14 more than the next highest this season! Regardless of the outcome next week, Sapphire’s receivers can bet that they’re gonna be seeing Wyatt unbuckling their belt basically every time they catch the ball. Just don’t get too excited!

The Irish Goodbyes took a page out of the Foamos’ playbook this week, falling behind 14-0 to Hole Milk before staging a dramatic, one-point comeback win! Both offenses were having no trouble finding the endzone in this shootout; perhaps the Irish were feeling the absence of the league’s current sack leader, Bradley W.?

Our glorious commissioner continues to display dominant efficiency in the pocket, averaging 303 passing yards per game (1st in the league), 72.5% completion percentage, and a 22-1 TD-INT ratio (1st in the league)… Unfortunately though he still trails most QBs in absolute metrics due to missing a game, kinda like how this team has lost back-to-back games despite scoring 33 points. But oh well, guess there’s no point in crying over spilt milk.

During Chrome Dome’s 0-4 start, Ben H. had a 9-7 TD-INT ratio and a 57.1% completion percentage. In their dominant shootout win against Red, Ben threw 6 touchdowns with nary a single interception. I assume that Silver’s previous two wins were equally dominant, but sadly [PLAY MISSING]. Regardless, this team has looked completely refreshed since the bye, averaging a league-best 42.3 points per game over that span.

Curtis emerged victorious in the battle of dual-threat QBs this week, bouncing back from an early interception and ultimately snagging one of his own. Sapphire’s gotta already be looking ahead to the upcoming Battle of the Brothers: Jordan and Elijah are currently tied with 5 TDs a piece, so this week’s game could shake up the standings and bragging rights!

I honestly have no idea what to make of this team. The numbers, the record, the film, none of it tells a coherent story. (Is it too late for a You Can See Everything reference or can I still sneak one in?) The only thing I know for sure is that Jack L. is the only other player to record a passing, receiving, and rushing TD this season.

First up, the good news: Brandon W. has been very good at spreading the ball around and making sure every receiver gets their opportunities, as nobody on Seafoam has a target share above 25%. The bad news: that also includes spreading it around to the other team, as he’s thrown exactly one interception in every game this season. To put a positive spin on it (and close this compliment sandwich), that does make him one of only 5 starting QBs this season to never throw multiple picks in a game!

Well sadly we do not have data on how much running around in the backfield Luie did this game, observers’ best estimates range between 50-150 yards, but he has run for a league-leading 217 yards past the line of scrimmage this season! However, don’t let it be said that he doesn’t throw the ball at all: Luie actually leads the league with 234 pass attempts, with Aaron seeing a league-high 74 of them. Running, passing, defense, he can do it all but… perhaps he’s doing too much? This team seemed to spend more time in the huddle arguing discussing the playcall than actually playing against the other team. The numbers confirm that this team has no shortage of talent, but time is quickly running out for them to come together.

Well as befitting a team this up-and-down, Chris holds perhaps the wildest stat this season as the only QB to throw a pass… to himself! While team Captain Andrew H. has not sent all referees an update email on the legality of this maneuver, and sure it ultimately ended up in a 4 yard loss, if this season is going to be a rollercoaster, then why not enjoy the ride? Gold is going to keep the chaos going into their final game of the season, a not-at-all confusing matchup against Canary Yellow for the title of the true yellow team!

These Hoes’ path to victory is simple: hold your opponents to 20 points or less (they’re 2-0 in those games and 0-5 when the other team scores more than 20). Unfortunately, last week Cardinal passed that 20 point mark by checks Game Glimpse, the end of the first half. Still, they kept it close and could be a dangerous team in the playoffs if they can get a win this week and carry that momentum.

The last thing I want to do is give this team any bulletin board material ahead of our matchup, so lemme find my nicest stat for them … 6 different players have scored this season? Look I’m sorry, but there’s no amount of data wrangling that can make these numbers look good.