Power Rankings

The Bombshells have definitely entered the villa. Last week’s #4 rank was a serious underestimation. You can thank The Board for that. Underestimate them if you want, but you’ll pay the price in point differential. We’re swiping right on half the roster showing up on the scorecard, with captain Sophie, QB and POTW Metz, vet Bre, and rookie Tori all finding the end zone. And defensively? They lived up to their name…snatching balls out of the air and flags off hips, with vets Linda, Bre, and Dinora leading the way. But it wasn’t all love at first sight. An opening-drive INT by Red wasn’t exactly the meet-cute they were hoping for, so we’re swiping left on first-drive jitters. Luckily, every drive after that ended in a score, showing some promising early chemistry heading into next week’s Battle of the Snatch(er)s against Midnight Snatch. May the best Snatch prevail.

Last week, we called Seafoam the couple getting little to no screen time. Apparently, they took that personally, and we love a team with a chip on its shoulder. So, swipe right on holding grudges, QB Des C. being Rookie of the Week, and an eleven-point PD launching you into the #2 spot. But a little early chemistry does not a relationship make, so we’re swiping left on second-half slowdowns, passes that flirted a little too openly with the defense’s hands, and anyone still underestimating this team.

Back like she never left, Orange QB Lynch has returned to the league with a vengeance, scoring on every drive and adding an INT to her personal stat line. The rest of the team looked pretty good too, so we’re swiping right on comeback tours and MVPs (we see you, Cassie), and swiping left on getting too comfortable. We’ve gotten used to watching Orange Crush do some crushing, and we won’t let you slip up now.

Black, dubbed “The Friendship Couple” last week, put together the pieces to get the win in Week 1. Veterans Lowe and Elle made for a strong duo, combining for three interceptions and two touchdowns. Veteran rusher Anisa seemed to try out a new position, getting a touchdown off of a pitch play in the second half. We’re swiping right on old heads in new positions. On the flip side, it seems like Shayne is sticking to the targets she knows…so, we’re swiping left on playing it safe. Put some new blood in on offense.

While they didn’t come away with a win, Yellow managed to climb their way up to 5th from the bottom. Rumor has it Cash was showing off for the in-laws, with a pick six and touchdown to get Yellow on the scoreboard. Rookie Bri started her first season in DC off right with an extra point. We’re swiping right on showing off and inter-league transfers (thanks, LA). With no wrist coaches in sight, though, it’s no surprise there were only seven complete passes and three interceptions…so we’re going to swipe left on winging it. Hopefully Lefler puts the budget to use and buys offense a nice accessory for Week 2.

In the sharpest decline of the week from the #1 spot, Green couldn’t quite eke out a win against Orange. But scrolling down this profile, we still see a lot that we like: a last-minute scoring drive, a three-and-out stop in the second half, and plenty of ball distribution. There were a few red flags too, including an early kick that handed Orange great field position, plus three INTs that were tough to overlook. Still, by some accounts, this could be the best roster in the league, so we’re not ready to cast full judgment just yet. For now, we’re swiping right on last-minute scores, good defensive stops, and spreading the ball around, and swiping left on making it way too easy for Orange to crush any hopes you had of a Week One win. There’s enough here to keep our attention, Green..but whether we text back is up to you. 🫵

Last week, we called Purple “The Toxic Couple We Can’t Quit,” and one week in, we’re already being reminded why. Swiping right on finding some offensive rhythm after halftime, 3 INTs (looking at you Kelly and Ashley), and Purple holding Seafoam to just six points after the break. But as any toxic relationship will teach you, the good doesn’t exactly erase the bad…so we’re gonna have to swipe left on first-half shutouts. Here’s hoping week two gives us more of the second half and less of the first.

And then there is Red. Quite the tumble from #3 but not all is lost. That’s why we’re swiping right on first impressions. Yes, they matter. Rookie Kim was quick to make hers by intercepting Sapphire on the first drive of the game. Red then followed up by scoring on their first drive of both halves. Hot start. Strong opening line. Unfortunately, that’s about where the conversation ended. The defense though, yikes. We’re swiping left on that. Giving up the most points in Week 1 wasn’t in the plans, we’re sure. But only rushing one? That was a risk that didn’t pay off. Maybe sprinkle a little more pressure in there and give the opposing QB something to worry about. The 2-4-1 is your friend.