Power Rankings

Orange cruised to a 26–6 win over Purple, despite Game Glimpse apparently booking them a loss. Looks like the FAA wasn’t the only one working through a few glitches in its new software this week. The scouting report was also wrong and had Crusher QB Lynch unavailable Sunday, with rumors that Cassie would be rerouted to QB. But a surprise arrival by QB1 meant everyone could stay comfortably in their assigned seats. And Lynch, well, she may have lost some baggage along the way, but she sure did find that end zone. (😬Too soon?)

And she wasn’t the only Crusher making her presence known. Orange Crush MVP Pruitt became a no-fly zone, leaving her mark on the scoreboard with two interceptions, and with the way Purple’s balls kept finding her, she was starting to look like The Strapbacks’ most reliable receiver too. Another week, another win, so Orange Crush is cleared for takeoff.

Black spent most of Sunday stuck on the runway, determined to make “pitch” happen, running the same pitch play over and over despite Sapphire shutting it down just about every time. Though, in all fairness it got them close enough for Snatcher QB Shayne to run one in — and that’s certainly not a QB you want turning on the jets. Their defense did the rest, keeping the flight alive with two INTs in this low-scoring battle. Still, it wasn’t lost on us that their short-staffed opposition made them work for it. Sapphire kept this one within a point despite playing both sides of the entire game without a single sub. And if Black could score as much as they complained to the refs, then maybe that #1 spot could have been theirs. But for now, Midnight wins the battle of the Snatches and takes the W. They may have gotten off the ground, but this flight was definitely running behind schedule.

Seafoam’s no-show handed OSHA’s 11 a complimentary upgrade to the #3 spot, which Yellow would like you to know they “earned” even if it was earned by simply showing up. And while we appreciate the perfect attendance, showing up and showing out are two very different things. But hey…a win is a win. And it wasn’t a complete waste of time (except maybe for the refs). Yellow’s Meg B. made sure of that, turning the would-be game into a much-needed practice, even picking up a stranded Foamy stray along the way. Enjoy the free extra legroom, Yellow. A gifted +36 PD makes for a pretty comfortable cushion at #3. But don’t forget, all that extra padding won’t mean much if your game can’t back up your mouth.

The Sapphic Snatchers may have taken the L, but Black had to work awfully hard to snatch this one from them. With no subs and their captain sidelined, Sapphire somehow kept it a one-point game until the end. Erika S. did her part and then some, pulling double duty as a blocker and Sapphire’s only rusher — and according to our sideline correspondent, Connie Lingus, she left a few opposing Snatchers black and blue in the process. Was there a penalty somewhere in there? Maybe. But if the penalty wasn’t called, does it really count? According to the refs, NO. And while all’s fair in love and football, flying short on crew eventually caught up with them. They kept it in the air as long as they could, but unfortunately for them, this one ended in an emergency landing.

After a rough Week One, the offense looked much more like the team we ranked #1 in the preseason. And in the most festive of matchups, Christmas came early for Green, who walked away with the W after finding the end zone four times. Green’s MVP Tori added an impressive mid-air grab to the highlight reel, though Green still found time to get BIG MAD over a touchdown they swear was “stolen” from them… (A quick reminder from your flight crew: the ball has to cross the line too, babes, not just the bush). Fortunately, they didn’t need it, as Red had enough trouble stopping the touchdowns that did count. Wheels up, Green. You, too, are cleared for takeoff.

In a move that would make American Airlines proud, Seafoam’s flight to Carter Barron was canceled just 45 minutes before departure. Down a traveling captain and a roster overtaken by injuries, the DC Half Marathon, and one particularly unfortunate case of explosive diarrhea, Seafoam had no choice but to forfeit. But, by the time the cancellation came through, everyone else was already at the gate. Yellow showed up. The refs showed up. Even rookie QB Des showed up, drinks in hand and ready to pilot a flight with no crew. Luckily, Yellow was happy to take in the stranded Foamy for the afternoon. Unfortunately for Seafoam, forfeits don’t come with refunds, and this cancellation cost them dearly: a -36 PD and a one-way trip from #2 to #6.

Red didn’t exactly live up to their name on Sunday. Every time Green got the go, Red had trouble finding the stop. Emily got things started with a first-half TD, and Merrill’s long-awaited return gave the offense a serious boost, adding two more in the second. And speaking of people who apparently don’t know when to stop, Week One standout Kim is already insisting a cast won’t keep her off the field. And honestly at this point, we believe her. Three TDs kept Red in it, but Green kept answering, ultimately leaving them with the L. Merrill may have been cleared for takeoff, but Red is unfortunately still flying standby.

Purple spent last Sunday running late for a flight that was already boarding and that they had no chance of making. Kelly D.’s second-half INT gave the defense something to work with, but three picks on the other side made a comeback increasingly unlikely. And Purple’s hopes weren’t the only thing this game tore apart (looking at you, Lauren-P-Crush-MVP 👀). While we’d thought that would be the most turbulent moment of the game, Captain Judy said hold my beer, and spent the game angrily yelling at refs, players and anyone else who dared enter her airspace. Guess with Nour out, someone had to keep up the tradition. Better luck next week, Purple. The doors may have closed on this one, but there’s always another.